Happiness is...

Happiness is...a road map to follow...in your brain circuitry!  Check this out guys:
http://youtu.be/UKWDqyqNzvs

Guys and Girls, Girls and Guys

Let me venture so far as to say something about the compatibility of guys and girls.

A lot of it is well-known these days, but let me just summarize anyway:

GUYS:
Black and white, logical thinking
Talk to get to the issue and solve it
Provide advice on how to fix problems
Are attracted firstly to external beauty and then to the type of man that the girl allows him to become

GIRLS:
Intertwined, spaghetti-like emotional thinking
Talk to process emotions and for the therapeutic effect of relating
Seek to make a person feel understood and cared for
Are attracted firstly to persona (be it competence, humor, or status) and then that in turn feeds the physical attraction.

Having an understanding of these things allows us to tick the boxes that our partner's needs leave empty and square-shaped.  But there seems like there's more going on here, and I'm just gonna throw out my perspective about it:

Girls were made to be helping nurturers, and guys were made to be leaders.

Now let's not get too upset please guys...just yet.
Of course females can be great leaders too, and in fact are!  And guys can be epic caring people (I am a work from home dad myself!)

But a girl looks up to a guy who knows who he is, is firm when it comes to defending the things that he believes to be precious (both his family, as well as things like values and aspirations).  Girls like solidity with an element of let's say mystery, spontaneity, vigor.  Girls like to know they can depend on their guy...but not depend on him to be boring.

Guys like a girl who is a giver.  Who finds true joy in the joy of others.  Who spreads that particular brand of female love everywhere she goes.  Yes attractive, yes exciting.  But the sexual appeal that attracts is not composed at all of the same elements that keep a couple together.  (Why things are set up this way doesn't quite make sense to me, but it is so).

Making a relationship work is a choice.  I don't believe in the fairytale "The One".  Why do the Disney movies always end when the princess marries the prince or whatever?  It's created the misconception that all that is needed for "living happily ever after" is someone to marry.

No, that risk, that flattering feeling that you are the one chosen, the mysterious butterflies and thirst for the other person do fade.

But Love is a choice.

It's a mutual consensus that the grass may be greener on the other side, but that's cos of all the manure over there.  It's a decision to take what has been given you and work on yourself and relationship to make it what you need it to be.  Become the type of person who will attract the type of person you wanna attract...if you know what I mean.

In the age of drive-through everything, there are no drive-through break-through, nor are there instant contentment pills (or not the lasting type anyway).  Ironically it is in giving yourself away that you make yourself happy.

Empty your bucket to have it filled.  And get shoveling that manure!

True Happiness in this Life?

What's the meaning of life?  What is the meaning of that sentence?

Since the dawn of time our species has grappled with questions about the point of our existence.  Sometimes we have driven that point into other people in wars designed to further the interest of "us"; sometimes we have poked ourselves in the eye with that point repeatedly, causing pain and a certain kind of blindness.  "Oh but we've advanced far beyond those primitive days", you say?  Ok well what does our "advanced" culture tell us about what it means to be fully happy in this life today?

"The meaning of life is to be happy, and to cause others to be happy.  Set goals, work hard towards achieving them, accomplish things, prove to others your worth and thereby gain their respect, nurture your family, find your soul mate, live in the moment, get a white picket fence and an iPhone..."

Each of these bombs separated by commas above is a complex, lifetime quest toward achieving a dream that may or may not be in line with Reality.  Ok the iPhone acquisition doesn't necessarily take a whole lifetime, merely the majority.  Fun fact: the highest rate of depression is amongst the rich (money makes you happy?); the highest rate of suicide is amongst psychiatrists (education makes you happy?), and half of the uniting of "soul mates" ends in utter despair.

Don't mean to be cynical here, but let's define the problem.  Maybe the very problem is the lack of a definition: a definition about what it means to be human.  We are very aware that to be human means to have a body, to be of the species Homo Sapien, to be in relationship, to work.  These are objective facts that have been labeled so by the uprising of Rationalism in the Enlightenment of previous centuries.  Verifiable stuff = true, non-verifiable stuff = false.  Is that assumption verifiable?  Never mind. 
It's important to understand the historical context when we talk about things like happiness, because we are not an isolated moment.  In fact the very word moment has been produced by a series of historical interactions, and to ignore where we come from is to ignore where we are going.  We could pass all this up if the issue of happiness wasn't so pressing, but the fact of the matter is that there are more diagnoses of depression than ever before, and the highest incidents of this syndrome are in the developed first world countries.  Ok, maybe the developed countries develop these definitions, and then put themselves in it, but let's set that aside for now.

Quickly, because we need to talk about concrete things in the remaining 100 words too, let's take a step back and look at our progress historically.  We used to live a much more static life, where identity was defined by the role you played in your family and society.  The world made sense because it was all God's mysterious working.  We had our place in the cosmos, and cosmic peace had a place in our minds.  Don't get me wrong, these were barbaric times in other ways, but hear me out.  These people didn't strive under Western Individualism to validate their own worth.  They weren't competing in their own minds against a myriad of other options which they could be doing. 

Ok that touches on where we find ourselves today based on where we have come from: clearly it's the opposite in terms of how we achieve our identity, meaning, and thereby happiness.  That will have to suffice for now.  Let's get to the practical stuff:

We are body, mind, and spirit.  In order to be fully happy in this life, we need to feed each of our constituents. 
The body:  Feed it literally, with good stuff.  It's obvious what is good - things that we were created to eat like fruits, vegetables, nuts, natural meat...and chocolate (lots of it!)
The mind:  Question everything.  Don't accept the paradigm that was fed to you as a child.  That worldview is a product of our parents, the desire for organization that our society has conjured up, and previous thinkers.  Dare to question the very assumptions that they have been based upon, and do your own research to verify the facts.
The spirit:  Look, love is not just a series of neurochemical reactions, and meaning is not just an evolutionarily adapted survival mechanism that makes us feel special.  Don't buy into the rationalists dualism.  Look where they came from and then their reduction makes sense.  But you'll never find true happiness unless you feed your spirit with purpose and a relationship with the Transcendent.  How to do that is another article completely.

Hey, I'm not trying to preach here.  But as someone who is truly happy, and is a mental health counselor by profession, I feel my two cents is worth at least 1.5 cents.  Take it, spend it, invest it, or throw it into a pool and make a wish.  I bet you'll wish for true happiness.